friends or boyfriend?

When i was asked, "which one will you choose, friends or boyfriend?" i wud say "i want to have both, otherwise, i will prefer friends." At that time, it was the right answer. However, time goes by and when i found someone who i precious, things changed.

People said, a boy who love u, like u the way you do. my first response was: "Of course he should!" Ever thinking about he is changing me to be a better person? No. Ever thinking about i love him to much that i afraid to lose him? No. Ever thinking about we are both right but have different views on things? No.

Here am i. miles apart from my dearest one (for some reason). we both love each other so much that sometimes it is causing us a problem. He concern about myself, who i hang out with, what i wear in public, where i go, what i eat, etc. to prevent me from getting into any trouble when i'm in foreign country. to think about it, he is sweet, i love his attention to me. However, sometimes it just too much, i often lost myself. i often feels guilty with my friends and myself. because sometimes i can't hang out with them because its too late, or i can't because there are boys (which i found ridiculous and im finding ways to solve this), or i can't even sleep over in my besties' house as he doesn't want something unexpected to happen to me.this is just too much. and im sorry for myself as i can't be as who i am with him. i have to lie to him to do my favourite things. it hurts. i am not trusted. but he care so MUCH and i love him a LOT.

There i go... not only letting my friends down, i even give up myself for him... sometimes im okay wtih that, but to think of that (like this time), im thinking: "is this what i want with him?" "how to change things with him, who has the most stubborn personality ever?"